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BY
CONNIE GLASER
 any
of us are familiar with the story of Queen Esther
from Sunday School days. It's an ancient, but riveting,
rags-to-riches, tragedy-to-triumph tale that is
as compelling as any current work of fiction on
today's best-seller list.
But,
Queen Esther's story - which features a
suspenseful plot, a courageous heroine, a despicable
villain, a moral dilemma, and, of course, a happy
ending - is not fiction. Rather, it's a
slice of history packed with principles that are
still valid today. It's a Cinderella story that
is truly timeless.
What
Queen Esther Knew: Business Strategies from a Biblical
Sage (Connie Glaser and Barbara Smalley; Rodale
Press, May 2003) offers lessons and principles gleaned
from this timeless story that have great application
for today's enterprising women.
An orphan girl living in exile, Esther was tapped
to be queen. It was a position she neither desired
nor aspired to. Courageously, she faced the loss
of her parents, her home, and the beloved uncle
who raised her. Once queen, the personal challenges
did not abate. Esther was confronted with the responsibility
of risking her life in order to save her people
from annihilation.
As
Oswald Chamber once observed, "A crisis does not
make character; a crisis reveals character." Esther's
character ultimately triumphed in the face of crisis.
She dug deep for courage. She tapped inner strengths
she never knew she had. She had unshakable faith.
By viewing herself not as a victim, but as a change
agent, she not only endured, but inspired.
Take
the Long-Term View
Like Esther, we've all faced setbacks and losses
that have thrown us for a loop and left us reeling.
So, what separates people who manage to roll with
the punches from those who let setbacks and failures
flatten them? The answer is resiliency. The good
news is that no matter how hard the blow, we all
have the capacity to rebound. In other words, resiliency
is an acquired skill.
It
may sound odd, but one of the best ways to begin
acquiring resiliency is to practice failing. Patricia
O'Gorman, PhD, author of Dancing Backwards in High
Heels: How Women Master the Art of Resilience (Hazelden
Information Education, October 1994), recommends
deliberately looking for opportunities in which
you could very well fall on your face.
"Resilience
develops in adverse situations," O'Gorman explains.
"If you're in an environment where nothing happens,
you won't learn to be resilient."
In
other words, don't let fear of failure keep you
from shaking up your life once in a while. Look
for challenges. Take risks. Soon, you'll discover
that bouncing back from little crises provides you
with the training and the coping skills you'll need
to rebound from the big ones.
Another way to develop resilience is to lose
the victim mentality. When things go wrong, it can
be tempting to throw a pity party.
"I'm
such a loser."
"Why
does everything happen to me?"
But,
the people who overcome failure are those who don't
take failure personally or who refuse to let their
misfortunes define who they are.
"Resiliency
is being able to stand in your pain and feel it,
yet know that's not all that you are," O'Gorman
says.
Learn also to adjust your explanatory style.
People with a half-empty viewpoint tend to assume
personal blame for all their failures. Every mistake
becomes magnified. Every success seems like a fluke.
On
the flip side, people with a half-full perspective
tend to attribute difficulties not to personal shortcomings,
but to temporary conditions-a computer glitch, a
difficult client, or simply having a bad day.
Remember,
as well, to lean on others. Having strong relationships
- people who will listen and offer help and
encouragement-can cushion even the most jarring
jolts in life.
"Resilience
is embedded in relationships," agrees Froma Walsh,
PhD, professor of psychology at the University of
Chicago.
One
of the standout findings of resilience research
is that people who cope best with adversity are
the ones who reach out to others - family,
friends, and support groups-for help.
Take
the long view. It might seem as if your current
situation is "The Worst." But, if you can detach
yourself from what is happening at the moment and
think in terms of how important it is in the long
run, it may dilute the damage.
When
you're feeling particularly low, ask yourself, "Will
this matter 10 years from now?" Chances are, it
might give you a fresh perspective with which to
evaluate what is happening.
CONNIE
GLASER is one of the country's leading experts on
women and business. She is the co-author of What
Queen Esther Knew: Business Strategies from a Biblical
Sage, as well as Swim With the Dolphins: How Women
Can Succeed in Corp America On Their Own Terms (Warner
Books, March 1995). She can be contacted at connieglaser@aol.com.
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