| By Harriet Diamond
Years ago, I heard a speaker (my apologies to her and to you for not remembering her name) discuss the “oxygen mask theory.”
During the onboard safety instructions, airline passengers are always told to put on their own oxygen masks before helping others. As business owners, or high-level executives, we often don our Superwoman capes as we race through our 10- to 15-hour days to exceed client expectations and serve our internal customers — our employees. Many of us then go on to business-related meetings or volunteer commitments, and/or home to meet the needs of spouses, children, parents, and friends. Unfortunately, in the process, we sometimes forget to put on our own mask first.
The type of oxygen we need as business owners comes in many forms. Just as breathing is vital to life, a source of personal renewal is vital to the quality of life. A lack of personal “oxygen” can lead to poor health and damaged relationships.
We all learn the lesson of the oxygen mask at some time in our lives, and usually, it’s not a propitious one. We learn it through our unexpected mistakes, our outbursts, our just “really bad people days,” or an illness.
Just as each of us has her own weight set point, pain tolerance level, and peak energy time, each of us also has her own explosion (or implosion) level. We know when we reach it, because we get a sudden wake-up call. Sometimes, that call is as simple as a catch in our voice, our eyes darting back and forth, or our hands shaking. Other times, it’s in the form of an immediate, stabbing headache, a fierce stomachache, or brutal backache.
“Pay yourself first” is every advisor’s cry to the would-be-successful businesswoman. For those of you who have “made it” and are now on the fast track of success with no need for that reminder, your new mantra should be “Schedule ‘me’ time first.” Adhering to this principle will help you make personal rejuvenation time a habit. If you plan to work your “me” time in “as soon as…,” you’d better plan again. Have you noticed how days turn into weeks that turn into months and, sometimes, into years? Meanwhile, health and fitness wane, and “the right time” remains around that ever-elusive corner.
I asked a number of successful, highly energetic, and productive businesswomen — women whose schedules rival those of heads of state — what they do to ensure balance in their lives. Here are their stories of personal survival tools, the epiphanies that led to those tools, and the philosophies that these women use to keep themselves centered.
The Women
Maria Bordas, senior manager of strategic planning, policy, and human resources for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey , is a member of the senior management team of the Aviation Department, responsible for the department’s strategic planning agenda, policy formulation and implementation, human resources, and labor for a staff of 1,025.
Bordas has always brought an entrepreneurial spirit to her work, complementing her intuition, problem-solving skills, and crisis intervention ability with whatever schedule the day’s agenda requires. Beyond family (two daughters and “a high-maintenance husband”), Bordas serves on the Foundation Board of Directors at Kean University and the Board of Directors of the Eastern Union County YMCA.
Natalie Gast, president of Customized Language Skills Training (CLST), a full-service, English-as-a-second language, accent-modification, and foreign language training company, has nurtured clients, staff members, and students for 20 years.
The mother of two adult sons, she remains an active, positive influence in her children’s lives and recently welcomed her first grandchild into the family. Known as the “ultimate friend,” Gast seems to always be there for others. Through CLST, she is an active member of the North Jersey Regional Chamber of Commerce, the Professional Business Builders, the Legal Vendors’ Network, and the Compton-PESL Link. Volunteer commitments come with the territory, and Gast ensures that CLST provides pro bono services as needed.
Marcie Gorman, president and CEO of Weight Watchers of Palm Beach County, FL, and president of the Weight Watchers Franchisee Association of North America and Canada, not only oversees her own operation of 200 employees, but is the company’s spokesperson, a role that includes television, radio, and personal appearances to discuss weight control, glass ceilings for women, and other related issues.
Beyond her business life and family commitments (she has a husband, two grown sons, and a soon-to-arrive grandchild), Gorman believes in giving back to her community. She serves on the Community School ’s Executive Committee in Palm Beach County and belongs to the Executive Women of Palm Beach County. She also is an active mentor for young women, especially at her alma mater, TAU.
Helen MacKinnon, founder and president of Technical Connections Inc., Southern California ’s premier Internet and technical recruiting firm, is married with two children in their 20s. MacKinnon is a member of the Women Presidents’ Organization and also is involved with Kidsave International and a number of other charities.
Linda Rueda, president and CEO of Ideal Data, Inc., wears the many hats of an entrepreneur. She is active in the Supplier Diversity Development Council, established by the New Jersey Board of Public Utilities (past president, former secretary, charter member), as well as the New Jersey Statewide Hispanic Chamber of Commerce.
Rueda has been recognized with Entrepreneur of the Year and Small Business of the Year awards from Inc. magazine (2002), New Jersey Transit (2003), the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce (2003and 2004), and DiversityBusiness.com (2004 and 2005). The mother of two grown sons and the grandmother of three, Rueda is the fulcrum of her extended family, ensuring that relatives from coast to coast remain in touch.
Sheri L. Orlowitz, chairman and CEO of Shan Industries, LLC, a holding company headquartered in Washington , DC , that acquires and operates manufacturing companies, describes her work role as a multifaceted one “which matches my personality. My varied interests ensure boredom is nowhere near the radar screen.”
Those interests have taken Orlowitz to the President’s Economic Summit in 2002, to a Businesswomen’s Summit in Riga , Latvia , with a follow-up meeting in Washington , DC , and to Vancouver to be honored by the Star Group as the Leading Woman Entrepreneur of the World for 2005.
She also finds time for volunteer commitments, including, among others, charter membership in Boardroom Bound (an organization devoted to promoting diversity in corporate boardrooms) and participation in a division of the Orlowitz Chidren’s Advocacy Center, Kristi House in Miami (a refuge and advocacy resource for young victims of sexual abuse) and the Harvard University Kennedy School of Government Women’s Leadership Board.
Orlowitz is the only child and sole support of her 79-year-old mother, whom she describes as “the unsinkable Molly Brown and Calamity Jane rolled into one.”
Ava Seavy describes herself as the Queen Bee at Avalanche Creative Services, Inc., a creatively driven shop that emphasizes strategy, positioning, creation, and execution of advertising in all media and focuses on products targeting women and clients who seek accountable results.
In addition to the hats all business owners wear, Seavy adds “keeping energy high and focused.” She is a council member for an active industry trade group and participates in several women’s business organizations. In her personal life, Seavy is the mother of an adopted child and also volunteers at drug and alcohol treatment facilities.
The Catalysts
Some women have the natural instinct to don their oxygen masks without prompting. However, most of us are so concerned about our responsibilities to work and to others that we almost forget to breathe until some startling event (affecting us or someone close to us, or even someone close to someone close to us) happens to remind us of our vulnerability.
It may have nothing to do with working too hard. It may have to do with the realization that we, too, are susceptible to the whims of external forces, that our children or grandchildren are suddenly years older and we have missed too much of the magic, that our parents and/or friends may not be here next year or even next month, and that we’ve lost track of our own personal health, as well as our emotional and physical fitness goals.
Asked whether an epiphany had propelled her to self-care and to discuss the philosophy that has kept her centered, each of these women shared her story and insights.
Gast: “I received a clear message from my body, ‘Start relaxing, and take care of me.’”
MacKinnon: “When I started my company, I was incredibly stressed. I was leaving a well-paying job. I had two young children who required a lot of attention, and a husband who wasn’t particularly happy with his job. I definitely needed to do something that would be for me, that didn’t take too much time. An hour at the gym, which is next door, was the perfect solution.”
Gorman: “A key call was being told that I was under stress when I got sick — either pneumonia, bronchitis, irritable bowel syndrome, an overly rapid heart beat, a serious backache, or a broken ankle. Another wake up call occurred when one day, I just could not choose my clothes and get out of my closet. I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to crawl under the clothes like my cat and stay there forever.”
Seavy: “After viewing first hand the events of 9/11, my priorities shifted dramatically. I realized that life is very precious, and we only have one shot at it. It allowed me the courage to move forward and follow my dreams. What was the worst that could happen? Failure? After seeing the terrible destruction, my fear was greatly diminished; my desire to achieve my personal best in business, at home, and in the community was exponentially magnified.”
Orlowitz: “A mammoth lawsuit over Tyco put me over the top. There are simply not enough hours in the day to do everything. I learned to make choices — tough choices — about realistic goals and to accept that I cannot get it all done, no matter how much I work. This acceptance was a bit slow in coming, and I ran myself into the ground before the dawning of this elementary fact. When I picked my exhausted carcass off the ground, it was with an acute awareness that I must take breaks and take good care of myself or nothing else will matter.”
The Oxygen
So, what’s a woman to do?
We’ve heard it all. Many of us resolve to take charge of our bodies and our lives until something more pressing, more urgent, more important to someone else, creeps into that block of time that said “reserved for self-preservation.”
Let’s say you decide to go to the gym three times a week. But, after your second visit, a meeting interferes, a child gets sick, or you’re just too tired, and you vow to pick up next week.
Be careful. That oxygen level is slipping down quickly, and the next time you may not be at the top of your game during the meeting or you may not be tuned in to your child. Put that personal commitment to self-preservation off and a month or a year later, you will be just as overextended, but more out of shape and stressed, or worse, you might get an unexpected early warning sign. Let’s see what our superwomen do to keep themselves in good emotional shape.
Orlowitz offers a rather comprehensive prescription.
“As a basic rule, I take very good care of myself,” she says. “Eight hours of sleep, healthful eating, light drinking, vigorous exercise, and a clear division between work time and ‘life time.’ I am passionate and driven, and maintaining balance requires conscious work and attention. Left to my own devices, I would work until I dropped.”
Orlowitz says she tries to read a good book 30 minutes before going to sleep on her pillow scented with calming lavender. It does not end there. One of her favorite pastimes is good food and good company, a benefit not only to Orlowitz’ emotional health, but to the well-being of those who attend her gourmet dinner parties, complete with great wine, music or entertainment, and stimulating conversation. Other tools that keep Orlowitz centered are good friends, a therapist, and her pets — two dogs and a cat.
MacKinnon turns to exercising (such as hiking, spinning, strength training, yoga, and Pilates), traveling to exotic places, and reading to maintain her personal balance.
“The exercise is a great stress relief and keeps me healthy and relatively trim,” MacKinnon explains. “The travel broadens me and gives me perspective. Reading takes me out of my world and into a whole new one.” MacKinnon says her greatest survival tool, though, is gratitude — “gratitude for my family, my business, and my life.”
Seavy has “self time” covered with horseback riding and journaling.
“Riding a horse, especially jumping a course, takes enormous focus,” she says. “You cannot be thinking about work or life demands. You must clear your thoughts so that you are only focusing on your position, the gait, and being one with the horse or you can get injured.” Seavy compares this level of focus to meditating.
On the other end of the spectrum is journaling, which she describes as taking all the “thoughts running through your brain in mixed up ways and trying to laser stream them into some kind of meaning.” Seavy’s additional survival tools include a group known as Fearbusters, which is devoted to breaking through “barriers to living a joyous and fearless life,” and having a large phone network of friends and associates she can use to help maintain her sanity.
Gast says she focuses on taking more mental health days, spending time with friends, going to movies and the theatre, and swimming, because these outlets fit in with her work and lifestyle.
Bordas also takes mental health days, and she says taking a day to herself every two to three months is a newly found treasure. She also believes that a manicure and pedicure every two weeks is a “must.” (“To make the experienceotally enjoyable, I pray that I don’t run into anyone I know at the salon so I don’t have to talk,” she says.) Bordas’ other outlet is shopping at Lord & Taylor.
Rueda says her best treat is when she chooses to “just relax and enjoy the silence!”
Gorman, too, seeks quiet. “I need the unwinding space and the quiet to balance my life,” she explains. Gorman’s quiet time activities include reading, enjoying her cats (who are quiet), and a weekly massage. Her Sunday ritual is staying in her nightgown and quietly reading all day (if possible). Finally, Gorman adds deep breathing and visualization as needed to her survival tool kit.
The Driving Philosophies
Clearly, the adage, “If you want a job done, ask a busy person,” holds true for these women.
Despite excessive work demands, they’ve added volunteer commitments and contributed to the success of key business organizations. Their families remain priorities; yet, they have found the essential “me” time that allows them to recharge and continue succeeding and giving to others. We asked them to share the philosophies that drive them.
Seavy: “Living one day at a time and recognizing that you must always take the action and let go of the result. Additionally, there is no substitute for passion. Knowledge is terrific, but in the end, our clients come to us because we care, not because of all we know.”
Orlowitz: “My goal at Shan was, and is, to create an environment that encourages candor, opportunity, creativity, courage, honesty, respect, humor, integrity, and loyalty, all the while embracing hard work. I adhere to these principles religiously and only hire people who embrace them.”
Rueda: “Everything has a way of working itself out. Keep things in perspective. Learn what the priorities are and enforce them. Keep focused on what’s really important in life: Family comes first.”
Gast: “Have a Plan B. The only constant is change. Obey the pushes life gives you, or you’ll get bigger pushes.”
Gorman: “I believe in what I am doing and that I can truly help others as I have been helped. Weight control is central to life and health. I believe I was put here to make a difference and also to break that glass ceiling and help my ‘sisters’ of the world break through it, too. My motto is ‘If I can do it, so can you!’ and its corollary: ‘If you can’t be a good example, then be a horrible warning.’ I’ve been that, too. Another favorite philosophy that is often front-and-center is ‘I will survive.’”
MacKinnon: “The philosophy that I share with anyone who is willing to listen is my belief in ‘good enough.’ Although it sounds like a cop-out, it really keeps me sane. It goes like this: ‘Am I a good enough _____(fill in the blank) so that ________(fill in more blanks)?’ Now, good enough changes all the time. What was good enough yesterday may not be good enough today, so I constantly have to reevaluate.”
Bordas: “I always remember a quote from our 28 th president, Woodrow Wilson: ‘I am not here to merely make a living. I am here in order to enable the world to live more amply — with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. I am here to enrich the world, and I impoverish myself if I forget the errand.’”
A Parting Thought
These seven very different women with very different careers and outside responsibilities have all found their own brands of oxygen. They all realize that a healthy, fit, centered, self can do wonders, not only for their careers and their own well-being, but for those who rely upon them and for others whose lives they touch — personally and professionally, directly and indirectly.
So, take a deep breath. Breathe in all the kindness, energy and passion that you put into the world. After all, you deserve it, too.
HARRIET DIAMOND recently sold Diamond Associates, the training and consulting company she established in 1985, and now devotes her time to writing and speaking engagements. She is a member of the Advisory Board of Enterprising Women magazine and can be contacted via e-mail at daedit@aol.com.
(This article is reprinted from the Spring 2005 edition of Enterprising Women magazine. Copyright 2005 Enterprising Women Inc. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited, except by express permission of the publisher.)
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